Top 10 hotel rip-offs.

I fondly remember the FT’s ‘lunch for a fiver’ offer, which I sometimes made use of when I worked in the City.  You cut out the coupon, you went to your preferred hostelry and you paid £5 for lunch.

Except, of course, that usually you didn’t.  You’d pay £15 after a glass of Perrier, a joint bottle of wine and a dessert that wasn’t included in the offer (but yes, I actually was stingy enough to pay £5 every so often!).

In the same way, your £200 a night a hotel is likely to end up getting significantly more than that out of you.  And while it’s perfectly fair to up your RevPAR by selling little extras to your guests, some hotels seem to go a bit too far in the direction of seeing their customers as walking wallets.

Here are my personal top ten hotel gripes – in ascending order of horror:

10. Extortionate minibars.  A standard gripe and it’s amazing how this hasn’t changed much despite the fact that every guest knows what’s going on.  A certain mark-up for convenience is acceptable; £3 for a Mars Bar just isn’t.  The same goes for in-hotel shops that charge prices bearing the same relationship to reality that Lady Gaga has to good taste.

To add insult to injury, the minibar so often has lousy beer.  That’s why in St Petersburg, I avoided the hotel’s bog-standard global brands and went to the kiosk for 3 bottles of Baltika in a plain brown paper bag!

And as if £5 for a can of Coke isn’t enough, you’ll end up paying £5 for a can of Coke that’s smaller than what you pay 95p for down the road.  Special slimline itsy-bitsy-teeny-weeny minibar Coke.  Grrrrrrr.

9. Sneakily-hidden pricing.  I’m talking here about prices stated without VAT, extras, compulsory service charges and so on.   If I see the price is X, then I am entitled to assume that I will pay X, not X plus 15 or 20 percent.  Surcharges on top of surcharges are now far less common but haven’t entirely disappeared – hotels engaging in such practices need to grow up!

I make an exception for restaurant meals – but I don’t think anything else is fair game.  Quoting the room rate without VAT is one ripoff that I believe has now disappeared (not because hotels are more generous but due to regulation), though you still have to read the small print too often.  I want to know what I’m paying without having to become a forensic accountant.

8. Astronomical laundry charges.  When it’s considerably cheaper to buy a new shirt rather than get mine cleaned, I know I’m being ripped off!

And unlike the phone and wi-fi ripoffs, or the bad and overpriced beer, it’s unlikely you’ll be able to find another option easily – there just aren’t as many laundrettes around as there once were.

7. The “breakfast included” scam.  Here’s how it works: your rate is inflated by a mysterious factor, but you’re reassured that “breakfast is included” as if you are being granted a special concession.  In fact, you’re typically paying a double-figure price for an often mediocre meal (with soggy toast!) which you could get round the corner for much less (and often of better quality at one of London’s best brunch spots).  I make a respectful exception here for the more creative London hotel breakfasts including the few hotels serving kippers at breakfast – worth every penny!

6. Uber-expensive hotel bars.  You expect to pay a premium in the best hotel bars – like for example the atmospheric American Bar at The Stafford or the intimate Egerton House Bar.  And it may even be worth paying extra in a hotel bar with a great view.  But it seems that even mediocre hotels will charge you way over the odds for exactly the same drinks you could get in a nearby pub or off-licence for considerably less wonga.

5. Ridiculous telecoms charges. The price of making a call in the UK has come way, way down, unless you’re at a public phone – or in a hotel.

Land line calls are cheaper than mobile, so you’d expect using the hotel phone to cost less than using your mobile, wouldn’t you? Wrong.  Charges from £1 to £4 a minute are common – even a local call in London will often set you back 50-90p a minute.  Horrendous!

Check the best rate for The Lanesborough from 30+ hotel booking sites

What’s the profit margin?  Well, let’s put it this way: a big hotel will pay far lower rates than residential customers, while charging significantly more than you’d pay at home.  Several hundred percent of gross margin I reckon.

4. Rip-off afternoon teas.  As with the hotel bars mentioned above, it’s OK to pay extra for a quality afternoon tea which consists of intricately-prepared delights which you’d never be able to make at home: the likes of the Langham London and Brown’s Hotel excel in this department.  But to pay £25-£50+ for a glorified basic tea with cakes – which might cost under a fiver in a decent caff – is just taking the mickey!  And yet more fools all of us, because apparently London hotel afternoon teas are booming!

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We’ll publish a mega-post listing the best-value afternoon teas shortly.

3. Five quid for a bottle of water! This should really come under minibar, I suppose.  But it’s so egregious that it has a special annoyance value.  Even more so when the bottle of water is placed on the bedside table and it’s only when the bill arrives that you realise it’s cost you a fiver for two mouthfuls of lukewarm still water.

2. Paid-for internet access – or none at all. Frankly, if backpacker hotels charging 200 rupees a night in Pushkar and Alleppey can provide free internet access, how come it’s difficult for top-notch London hotels to do the same?  Fortunately this is now an increasingly rare ripoff – partly thanks to this blog’s declaration of war against hotels that charge for WiFi.

Award-winning family-owned group Red Carnation Hotels offers free WiFi across all six of its luxury London hotels and even provides useful free-access PCs for guests in some of its public areas.

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1. My top gripe?  Things that are actually free – but nobody bothers to tell you! It was refreshing to check into The Arch recently to be told as soon as I set foot in the room: “Here’s the minibar -  and all our soft drinks are free.”  But how often am I left looking at a bottle of water or a display of interesting snacks and wondering – is there a (crazy) price tag or not?  Even if I have to pay, I might do – but I would like to know the price first!

London hotels which DON’T rip you off…(or at least try not to!)

The Hoxton deserves a mention for its ‘supermarket prices’  lobby shop.  And the kid-friendly Athenaeum even has a “free” minibar (within limits).

Check the best rate for the Hoxton Hotel from 30+ hotel booking sites

Check the best rate for the Athenaeum Hotel from 30+ hotel booking sites

Base2stay Kensington provides an in-room fridge and encourages you to stock up from the supermarket to your heart’s content.  In fact, this budget luxury hotel prides itself on its ethos of price transparency.

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Red Carnation Hotels recently dominated the list of best-value afternoon teas identified independently by the UK Tea Council which commended three of its boutique London hotels.  They also offer unlimited free WiFi.  This blog has already listed several top-rated free WiFi London hotels.

There are a few worthy exceptions to the telecom rip-off rule – the Hoxton Hotel charges 5p a minute.  Our review of the London Bridge Hotel at least found the call charges to be transparent.

Check the best rate for London Bridge Hotel from 30+ hotel booking sites

London Bridge Hotel also provides free mineral water and a decent breakfast, while The Cavendish does a splendid “best of British breakfast“.  The Lanesborough has various complimentary services: in fact, it’s the luxury hotel that loves to give freebies including free use of its butlers.

Finally, if you fancy a decent drink at a London hotel without getting fleeced, try the bar at the Chesterfield Mayfair.  You’ll get impeccable service in a comfy setting with well-made drinks and bar snacks.

Book direct with the Chesterfield Mayfair Hotel at the best guaranteed rate

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Photo credits: Chesterfield Mayfair Hotel, London Bridge Hotel, Base2stay, Athenaeum Hotel, Hotel 41, Lanesborough Hotel, Montague on the Gardens Hotel, Cavendish Hotel,  danielmoyle’s photostream, U-g-g-B-o-y(-Phot ograph-World-Sense -)’s photostream.

Tagged as: Athenaeum Hotel, Base2stay, Brown's Hotel, Cavendish Hotel, Chesterfield Mayfair Hotel, Egerton House Hotel, Hotel 41, Hoxton Hotel, Langham Hotel, London Bridge Hotel, Montague on the Gardens, Red Carnation Hotel Collection, Stafford Hotel, The Arch Hotel, The Lanesborough